Arrggg!!

I have been feeling extremely frustrated this last week and a bit because of the situation I find myself in. I did enter the Tiger Challenge in both hand and weapon forms and had been putting a lot of time in to preparing for this. And then I hurt my shoulder and had to withdraw from competing as I cannot even do the opening bow without causing some pain and the bench is a complete no go.

There are other parts that are frustrating as well as I had to modify my push-ups and am now only able to do them against a wall mostly one handed. This is not ideal as I was getting a lot of benefits from doing full push-ups. I know that I am going to lose strength and some core stability but I also need to be smart about this hence the modifications I need to make. My push-up numbers now have an asterisk’s beside them however.

I am still practicing my hand form, but the hand motions have to be slow and controlled and stay closer to my body to prevent aggravating my shoulder. I am able to do the footwork with my weapon form but there is no weapon involved. All my other requirements are still being done with maybe some minor modifications here and there.

I have a doctors appointment on Thursday and we will see where I go after that.

Shoulder?

I have done something to my shoulder and I am not sure what this will lead to. I have been having issues for a while now but something finally seemed to give on Monday. I wasn’t doing anything dramatic or strenuous at the time but it was painful and I could not use my arm without a lot of pain. Since then I have been taking ibuprofen and icing it and that has helped a lot.

The scary thing to me is it feels better most of the time now but it also feels wrong at the same time if you know what I mean. It still has the underlying pain that comes back not as bad but still there. I have to do something now so I have booked an appointment for next week when I am home and we will see where it goes from there.

I keep getting caught in doing things I know I probably shouldn.t because it seems fine to me. So now I have to figure out what I can do safely, what I can do but aren’t because I am being over protective and what I should absolutely avoid. This is my struggle right now. Bright spot is I get to work on one arm (mostly) pushups.

In the Lion

I had the opportunity to do a Lion Dance at the Onoway Elementary School on Thursday of last week and it was awesome. I tend to forget how much I enjoy them as I don’t do them as often as I would like to or in fact as often as I should anymore.

There are some things that I became aware of during the practice and the performance.

1) My cardio and stamina are not where I would like them to be at to perform a good lion dance.

2) We had taped the string for the eyes, and I found it a lot easier to use them.

3) The drumming speed was easier to follow I found although I did go off a few times during the dance.

4) I would like to work more on my crispness and movements especially as the dance went on as they started to lack, I feel.

Overall it was a great experience and I am hoping to do some more this year. The dance itself felt much better than the practice the night before did so I feel improvements will happen quickly as long as I keep at this. Also it was a unique pairing as it was myself who is one of the longest serving lion dancers with one of our newest ones, Todai Emma Ferris.p/>

Sleep, Who Needs It?

I have been doing a lot of research on sleeping lately because I know I don’t get enough sleep. I spend a lot of time away from home in unfamiliar beds and I know I need to change some things.

Here is what I am going to try:

1) Bring my own pillow which will provide comfort and some familiarity.

2) Try blocking out light especially in the North where days are extremely long.

3) Try using White Noise to block out unfamiliar sounds.

4) Try setting the temperature lower to keep the room slightly cool.

5) Turn of devices and spend a few minutes reading to relax the mind.

6) Get regular exercise.

7) Limit caffeine especially in the evenings.

Some of these things I am doing already but I need to do more as my sleep away from home is horrible. I will also try some of these things at home because I can use improvement her as well.

Worse Before Better

So, while I was away, I was only able to practice my form in a small space so it was very broken up and there were a lot of adjustments that had to be made in order to keep going. My main focus was on position, stances and the technique itself. Flow was harder to work on but certain sections allowed for it. I was back at the Kwoon last night and was able to do full form reps again. To be honest, I felt terrible doing the first couple. Things felt off and the flow was lacking.

On my last couple of reps I decided to look at myself in the mirror to see what it looked like and it was better than it felt. A couple of moves felt horrible but when I glanced in the mirror, they looked better than I had hoped or even expected.

This has got me thinking about my forms this year. I feel like they have gotten worse instead of better because I am really focusing on the moves and body alignment. This has led to some second guessing and some off-balance parts in the form. I know that it has to get worse before it can get better as I used to just go through the motions in the form. Now I am analyzing all my forms with the same eye for detail I am using with Lao Gar and it is helping but also making things worse in them as well. I will continue to see how this feeling progresses through the year and I can look back at videos from the start to now as well.

Source of Inspiration

All I can report this week is that I am still carrying on. Being away has always been the hardest for me. The hardest to keep practicing, the hardest to find motivation and the hardest to stay inspired.

This has been more of an issue in the past but I am doing better this year. I think part of this (or most likely, a lot of this) has to do with my one-on-ones. They have kept me practicing so I have questions I can ask during them instead of saying I don’t really have much this week. In fact, I usually run out of time before I can ask them all.

With that being said, I continue to practice while away and I continue to make notes so I can ask questions when I get the opportunity. So far so good and I am planning to continue as the year goes on. I will post a blog about this next time I am away so I can keep my focus on it.

Wasted Opportunity

I have been thinking about the assignment Sifu Rybak has asked us to complete at class on Saturday. What I have been thinking about is how much thought I put into this assignment last year because I did not make a note anywhere to remind myself what it was I wrote down. This means I did not utilize this tool and it was an opportunity lost.

We were tasked with writing down what we wrote last year again and to write down something new this year. I have an answer already in my mind but this year I will be writing it in my notebook so I can keep it on front of me and use it as a constant reminder going forward.

On another note, I will not be in class in person on the 18th so I will be posting my Beta forms in the Kao Shi group. I have them already but was just waiting until closer to the date to post them.

The Power of Video

I am leaving for work once again this Friday and will be gone for 2 weeks. This means I will not be at our next live class or open training. I tried to change it but in my line of work, I have to go when they need me. This means I will not be there to present my Beta versions of my forms.

To solve this, I will post videos of my forms online. This would have caused me some anxiety in the past but not this year. The reason is pretty simple. One of my goals this year is to video my forms every month to track my progress. So, I already have videos of my hand form and weapon form that I took at the end of March. However, I will be taking new videos this week just so it is a better representation of where I am at.

I have found the videos extremely helpful and also very humbling. They have been a great tool for me so far and one I will continue to use not only because it is one of my personal requirements, but they although for easier self evaluation. As I do the form and something feels off, the video actually shows what I feel.

The Lion Dance

One of my focuses for this year is the Lion Dance. I have been involved with working with the lion dance for quite a few years now and I performed one dance last year but I have not actually worked on my own performance.

I believe this has actually been a mistake on my part as I have forgot what the lion dance actually does for me. I know the obvious ones like stamina, conditioning, strength, footwork, stances, balance and so many more things. What I actually have lost is what it did for me mentally. It made my training something that I looked forward to and didn’t feel like it was an something I had to do.

So where does that put me right now. Specifically, I have been talking with sifu Brinker in One-on Ones about the lion dance. I am also working on my own technique in the lion dance which specifically refers to my stepping and my movements and alignment with the lion. My goal is to improve myself which will only improve my Kung Fu as a natural product of this work.

Where this takes me, I am not worried about as the goal for me is only improvement. I have only realized that I need to improve my own skills which will only help with the evolution of the lion dance within the school. Another thing I am working on is my own drumming. This is more of a struggle for me as I can hear the drum and recognize the patterns, I am not musically inclined so this will be a bigger challenge. However, I am committed to work on it and it may take some time but I know I won’t get better if I don’t attempt it.

Exhausted

It has been an off week for me as I got sick while I was away for work but wasn’t able to really slow down a lot as I was on a project solo. It wasn’t anything to bad just a head cold with some stuffiness. The biggest issue was I couldn’t sleep very well and when I did get home, I was exhausted even though I was over the cold.

Just being down for three days set me back on where I need to be with my numbers and I will be playing catch up for a bit yet. This just goes to show why it is so important to keep on top of them as you never know what will happen.

I want to keep evaluating where I feel I am at and so far, I am okay. Some things are where they feel like they should be and some are slightly behind I feel. Even though, I have been on the team for 3 years now, this year I find I am really pushing myself as I really want to work on myself this year.

There are still some personal things that I also need to work on at home that contu=inualay challenge me and I need to find the balance with life and Kung Fu. The one live class a month is helping with this but I have other things that I need to keep front and center and work around these instead of the other way around. I am going to leave this here for now as it feels like a good place to end for me.

Where am I?

A quick look at my life this past couple of weeks working 12 hour days at a minimum.

Flight #1 – Edmonton to Yellowknife

Flight #2 – Yellowknife to Norman Wells

6 hour drive on an ice road to Deline

3 days in Deline

6 hour drive on ice road to Norman Wells

Flight #3 – Norman Wells to Yellowknife

Overnight in Yellowknife

Flight #4 – Yellowknife to Vancouver

Flight #5 – Vancouver to Whitehorse

9 days in Whitehorse

Flight #6 – Whitehorse to Inuvik

3 hour drive on ice road to Aklavik

2 days in Aklavik

3 hour drive on ice road back to Inuvik

Flight #7 – Inuvik to Edmonton

In between this I have been concentrating on push-ups, sit-ups, AOK’s and Km’s as those I can do quite easily. The form work is harder as I don’t typically have a lot of room although I have been working on small sections of 1 or 2 moves. I did manage to get in 4 full reps when I had some extra space for an hour once.

The other thing I have been focusing on is one-on-ones as they are helping me work on sections of my form and also help me stay grounded as to what I am doing. I am still trying to do 2 per week even with my schedule and so for I have maintained it. The thing about these, is they are actually helping me answer my own questions just by talking through them so that has been an interesting aspect. I have some things to work on hopefully his week before I book my next ones.

Just a quick update for where I am at.

Push-ups & Sit-ups

First thing I want to talk about was our first live class for Kao Shi. I thought for me personally it was a great class as it showed me where I was at and where I need to go. It was tough but I felt great after. Would i want to do it again? Probably but that is easy to say now.

This has led me to start to focus on my sit-ups and push-ups more as I was not happy with where I was at. As I mentioned at the online class, I am really focusing on these along with Km’s and AOK’s while I am away for work as I can fit these in no matter how little time or space I have (push-ups and sit-ups). I am also aware of my KM’s and am mindfully tracking them while using stairs and taking the long way to get somewhere. The acts of kindness are helping me focus on the people around me and how I interact with them (this one is harder to track as I make a mental note but don.t pull out my book right away so I forget some but that is okay).

One more thing I am focusing on is working on certain sections of my forms as again I only need a limited amount of space for this. It is going okay but I am struggling a bit to find enough time to dedicate to this with my long workdays. This sounds like an excuse when I read it back so I will make a conscious effort to dedicate more time to this starting today.

I will unfortunately still be gone during our next live class and will also miss open training. I do however plan to be on the livestream and will follow along and participate even if you wont be able to see me.

New Year, New Plan, New Attitude

I have made the decision to be part of the new Kao Shi program. This was not a decision I took lightly and it is something I thought about for quite some time. I ultimately decided it was best for me to continue to advance my training. My goals this year are focused on areas I know I need to improve and to take my training to the next level.

Another reason for joining is to help keep myself accountable by committing to something that I can’t hide from later. I need to be present even when away and I am tracking things as accurately as possible this year.

Personal Requirements:

1) Book a one on one once per week.

2) Video my hand form once per month to track progress.

3) Spend 1 night per month talking with my spouse, no phones, no TV, no outside distractions.

4) I want to adapt my knowledge of grappling to suit the Kung Fu system more. This is a difficult idea to try to formulate a plan too. It starts with me working more on my forms to move better and then adapt from there.

My forms this year are Lao Gar (hand) and Horse bench (weapon) with a secondary focus on Da Mu Hsing (hand).

For Me

I am writing this just for myself as I need to reset my mind. My emotions and stress levels have been through the roof these last couple of months and I need to let some things go as I cannot change the past. This is really easy to say but has not been very easy for me to do.

What do I do? This is a question that I have struggled with for some time now and I honestly still don’t have an answer. I do know, that I need to reach out and talk to people because holding on to it is not going to help.

The other thing I need to focus on is the future as that is something I can prepare for. How to prepare is also what I need to focus on. I need to be smarter than I have in the past and I am hoping that I remember this when the time comes. Hence I am writing this to remind myself of two very important things.

1) I cannot change the past no matter how hard I try and stressing about it will not make it different.

2) I can control what I do in the future as long as I plan and follow through with that plan.

Out of Sorts

I have been a bit out of sorts lately and have spent too much time in my own head it feels like. I have been gone since the 18th of January except for a couple days at home where I git to go to the Kwoon for 1 day at least. I need to refocus and reengage and I am starting by getting this blog out. I hope to have another one out later this week but I have some long days ahead so not sure when that will happen.

1,000 Thoughts

I found out this past week that I will be leaving for work a lot sooner than I thought I would. I was hoping to not leave until after the banquet but that is unfortunately not going to happen. I think the reason I am not looking forward to this is the fact I want to be involved more than I am able to especially the demo and the lion dance. I will do as much as I can when I am here as I always try to do and I will be utilizing zoom as well.

On another note, I have been spending a lot more time working on my forms lately. This has led to questions that I didn’t realize I had. The main reason is I am working on strengthening the connection between forms and my work on grappling and sparring. I’ve always known there was a connection but I am working on building and growing the connection.

I have also spent the last few weeks working on my overall fitness and strength. This is for two main reasons. 1) I did not feel I was at a place where I wanted to be with my conditioning. 2) I am hoping to strengthen my shoulder and hip to alleviate or lessen the pain. I have been smart about what I am doing and only doing things that strengthen and not cause more issues.

This blog was kind of all over the place but this is where my mind is at lately. I have had so many things going on with both work and with my personal life I need to refocus for a second. This blog is a way to do that as are the one on ones I have been booking lately. I am using them not only to ask questions about my training but also to just talk about where I am in my life. By just talking to someone it has helped even if the details are not shared.