Work what?

Stress has almost become a normality for me lately. There are three main parts of my life as I see it. Home which is the most important, Kung Fu which is important to me and work which is a necessity. As I have blogged earlier this year, I am dealing with some personal issues at home which are very stressful, the process of grading for your blackbelt is very stressful but work had always been good until now. With less than a month to Christmas our company has been sold to one of our major competitors and now the questions of what will happen begins. There is a good chance that they will make major changes to management (which I am part of) and layoffs could be coming. I have worked for this company for 15 years and we are like a family but this new company is very profit motivated and they get it by scrutinizing everything down to the penny. The reason I am blogging about this is because I'm able to relieve some of the stress by sharing with my teammates. Before the UBBT, I would have just internalized everything and never shared with anyone except my family. Now I feel that I must share with everyone because we are a team and that is the most important thing that the UBBT has taught me.

Training mindfully.

It finally feels like I am on the road to recovery. The headaches are less frequent and thw dizziness does not comw as often. I have had to change the way I approach my training completely slow things down alot. I still have to be careful on what I do as I have learned certain things still agravate it. You feel good so you try to push yourself and then realize that that was a bad idea. I am at the point where I need to start pushing myself to see where I'm at but to stop before I go to far. Not an easy thing to do as I'm sure everybody in Kung Fu knows.

Sihing Lindstrom

The passing.

I don't normally like to talk about things like this but after reading Mr. Repay's latest blog, I decided to go ahead. This past Saturday was my grandfathers funeral and I had to give the eulogy. Even though I did not spend a lot of time visiting him in the last few years (he lived in BC) it was still tough to get through. Family is a very big part of who I am and the loss of my last granparent was not an easy thing. The fact that it was my last connection to my dad who passed away almost 3 years to the day of my grandfather was especially difficult. The one thing that has helped is being able to go to the Kwoon and to continue to train. It brings a sense of peace to me where I can forget about outside troubles and just live in the moment.

Sihing Lindstrom

Contemplation

I'm not sure if this is the proper title but it's what I'm going with. I am once again on the bench watching class instead of participating and this has become a normal occurence lately. Tonight we have a candidates meeting for all of us who are grading for black belt. I keep thinking about grading day and what I could have done better and was I good enough. There are feelings of anxiety and dissapointment. Dissapointment because I know I could have done better 2 months ago. What I have realized is that I did the best that I could on that day and you cannot change the past. I have accepted whatever comes from this and I will use it to better myself and the people around me.

Positive

Tomorrow is the Black Belt Grading day! Although there is a lot of anxiety and stress going into it, there is also a sense of relief. After working hard for the last two years preparing for this day, it will finally happen. I have had a lot of time to think about this over the past month as I have had to almost stop most of my training to try and recover from my concussion. I still have all the anxiety that I assume my teamates have but after tomorrow we will all know where we stand.I would like to share what I have been telling myself to keep myself calm. Remember to stay positive and know that I am where I am for a reason. Do the best that I can do with all the heart I have and I will be fine no matter what the outcome.

This Sucks!

The title says it all. Physically, this has been the worst three weeks I've had since I started training in Kung Fu. I did'nt want to make a big deal of this because I am not looking for sympathy, but I wanted people to know what was going on so they can watch out for signs themselves. I can't think of a better way to put this so here goes, I have a concussion. There has not been one day where I have not felt the effects in some way or another. Whether it be headaches, dizzines, nausea or some combination of the three. Then there is the emotional side of things. There are some days when you feel almost oaky to completely down because you know what you are capable of but that seems like a completely different person now. What I have learned from this is you have to change the way you do things and be smart about it. For the first week, I just thought it was a persistent headache (I get the regularly) and continued to do things as normal. When the symptons did not go away, thats when I went to the doctor. I should have been smarter and gone sooner because I probably did more damage in that first week. I have now modified how I do things but I still cant excert myself too much or for too long. This is what I need to do to get better so I have to accept it and eventually I will be back to where I was.

On a side note I would like to thank:
1) My wife for her help through this (she does not get enough recognition for what she does because without her, I would not be where I am today). Just wanted to put that out there.
2) Also the Furious 5 (well 4 because I can't count myself). You know who you are.
3) All the Sifu's I have talked to but especially Sifu Brinker as he pointed out the positives and reminded me what I have done over these last 2 years.

I am still training hard, just in a different way.

Training

This has been a tough few weeks for training. During the 10 days of renos, there was no training. Since then, I've had a few ailments (strains, sprains and soreness). I would say that before renos, I felt good and in the best shape of my life but now I feel like I've lost some of that vigour. Today is the start of the big push to grading. It's time to put aside the negatives and start focusing on forms, techniques, kicks and conditioning. The only one who can really hold you back is yourself so remember the first thing to do is remain focused mentally and the rest will follow.

Whew

Renovations are complete (mostly). That was a busy 10 days of a lot of hard work. Needless to say, the training went out the window as I spent on average 12 hours a day working on the Kwoon. If you add in the 1.5 hours of travel time a day, it does not leave a lot of time for "training". I say training, because I am refering to kicks, forms, techniques etc. I did do a lot of mental training and it turns out suprisingly a lot of physical training as well. All the tiling and construction turned out to be a great workout and I had to take Tuesday off as every muscle in my body was sore. I am still feeling the effects as there is still some soreness (okay a lot in some parts) but that first class made it all worthwhile. When I first walked in, I looked around and I got a tingling senstion in my whole body and in my mind all I thought was yeahhhh!!! The Kwoon looks awesome and I felt a true connection with it. It may sound like hokey but it was truly an experience and everytime I have entered the Kwoon since, I get the same feeling. The Kwoon has a calming aura to it now and I feel almost like I'm at peace when I enter the Kwoon now. I now have to focus on my "training" again as the big day draws nearer and hope that my effort will match my expctations of myself.

Focus

It's been an okay week for me. The training has been going okay but I've been a little distracted preparing for next week. I'm excited about getting started on the renos but will be glad once they are completed. Then I can focus on training hard(er) for my black belt grading.

Renos on the mind.

I am starting to feel a lot of pressure lately. We are less than 2 months away from grading and I feel like I need to spend more time training. I'm not saying that this is the reason because its not, but the added pressure of doing Kwoon renovations is not helping. There is a lot of work left to go and even though its not the case, it seems like I am spending all my free time working instead of training. This is planting seeds of doubt about my rediness to grade. The way I have gotten through is looking at the renovations as part of my training because it reconnects you to the Kwoon. Its not like I regret doing the renos its just my mind playing tricks on me. I will be prepared to grade if I am ready and if I am not that will have nothing to do with doing the renovations. I'm sure every Sihing that is planning on grading has something in the back of their mind telling them they will not be ready. We havre a strong bond and it is definately an asset to have them as training mates.

Sihing Lindstrom

Renovations to Injuries

Today I was offered the chance to go on a golfing trip to Panarama from August 31st to September 5th. I would have loved to have gone except for one thing... Kwoon renovations will be going on that week and I have committed to that already. It is a little bit dissapointing but what can you do. Speaking of renovations I have to post the dates on kwoon talk.

On a side note my shoulder(s) (both now) are starting to get very painful. I am sure that the pushups and the tiling are doing them no favors. It may be time to talk with someone about this and figure out whats going on with them. Sorry that was kind of random but I just wanted to throw that out there. It helps to relieve some of the frustration.

Work, Home, or Kung Fu?

This week has ben focusing on bettering my home life and my relationships at work. I have been so focused on my Kung Fu that I started to let those areas slip a little. I had a better week at home and at work so I am now going o bring up the kung Fu again. It is all about balance and these three aspects of your life must share your time.

Forms

I started this blog in a totally different fashion but after reading it, I decided to delete and start again. These past 2 to 3 months have been very challenging for me. I have had some tghings to deal with at home, then 2 weeks ago there was a major issue at work that I had to deal with at the same time. The one thing that brought everything back to me was my Kung Fu. It was the one place where I was truly in the moment and everything else was forgotten. Reality came crashing down yesterday as I realized that my forms were not up to par. Something felt wrong for the last while but I couldnt put my finger on in until Sifu Brinker worked with me one on one last night (you must be doing something really bad if he needs to work one on one with you -the first thought that entered my head). What an eye opener as I now know that I have a lot of stuff to fix and a short amount of time to do it in. I thought I was handling everything quite well but I now know that I was not. I have to take care of my home life but there is no reason why I cannot train smarter. The first step on that road is to fix my forms and the way to do that is to practise them daily (not 2 or 3 times a week like I have been).

Back in the Groove.

There are a couple of things I would like to talk about this week.

1) I have to admit that the last week was a tough one as far as training goes. I had injured my shoulder about 2 weeks ago and therefore had to modify my training. Not long after that I hurt my hip as well. Needless to say it was a tough week to train not only physically but mentally as well. I am sure that everyone has gone through a similar experience but it was tough to find motivation and I ended up not going to class on Monday. I'm not sure why but it was like I just did'nt have it in me. Looking back, I should have gone because as soon as class would have started the negative feelings would have dissapeared. It's funny how it seems like its the Kung Fu that your trying to avoid yet its the Kung Fu that picks you up.

2) We have started the renovations on the Kwoon early again this year as there is a lot of work to be done. This is something that I really enjoy doing as it makes going to the Kwoon easier because when you are there you can look around and think "hey I did that". It gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment knowing that you are not only making the Kwoon better to train in for yourself but also for your training mates. I hope everyone gets a chance to participate in some way or another. Even though it takes a lot of time and hard work that you have to somehow squeeze in around your training and your other commitments (like family and work),I look at it as part of my training because after all Kung Fu means hard work.

3) Today was the first day of starting the Rushfit training program. I have to tell you that it was an eye opener. It only took 45 minutes to cmplete but by the end of it I was exhausted, sore and feeling great. I decided to do it first thing in the morning as that way I could gauratee that I would not miss a day. Even though it has only been 1 day, I feel better about my training than I have in a while. It is good to know that no matter what happens, you have already put in some training time in for that day. I will keep updating my progress as I go through the program.

Anxiety

Saturday was my first boot camp. I have never gone before as I was nervous about how I would do. I also thought that I would not be able to make it through all the physical challenges. After the day was over I learned a lot about myself and about the students of Silent River Kung Fu. The support and encouragement is remarkable and it makes me happy that I decided to attend boot camp!

26.5 Hour Day

I'm not sure why but it seems like most of my posts lately have been a bit "how you say" negative. I think its because of all the things that are going on in my life right now. It does'nt seem like the days are long enough and I feel like to devote 2.5 hours to my training everyday, I need to extend the days to 26.5 hours. It's when I decide to write my blog that these thoughts enter my brain. I am sure that all the other Sihings that are planning on grading this year have the same thoughts, fears and doubts. However, this does lead to a positive. the positive is we are able to go on this journey together and are therefore not alone. We have a really close group that is there to support each other, to pick each other up and to definately give us a push when we need it. Thanks guys, I feel a lot better now.

Fitness test 3

On Sunday, 5 of us went through the black belt fitness test again. Although I did see some improvement in my numbers, I also lost some ground in my other numbers. although I feel good overall, I am very nervous about the day of the actual test. We took around three hours for the test and I'm sure the day of will be a lot quicker which means less recovery time. I feel like I was at the edge of my limits as far as recob=very time went so that tells me I'm not ready yet. The only thing to do is to carry on training hard and continue to improve.

Tracking.

For the month of June, a few of us UBBT members are tracking our hours of training and posting them on a blog site. The idea is to see how much time you spend on your training as we should all be putting in 2 hours per day. This should help me focus and ensure that I am putting enough time into my training.

Tournament

It was a good tournament again this year although that was what I expected. Even though I did not enter, I did help out and was a holder for a lot of peoples board breaking. Some of them were not successful but at the end of June, they will get another shot for their black belt test and this time I will be one of them.

Guilty

I am feeling guilty this week. We are having our annual school tournament this weekend and for the first time ever I will not be competing. There are a couple of reasons for this that I don't think should be discussed publiclyget into. After discussing my situation with Sifu Brinker, I decided it was better for me to not compete this year. Ever since then I have had this overwhelming feeling of guilt. The tournament is a huge opportunity to see how you perform under pressure and I think its important to participate and set an example for your fellow students. So the questions are;
1) Was I selfish for not entering and did I use my personal issues as an excuse to not compete?
2) Should I have entered and taken advantage of a huge opportunity that was available for me?
3) I wonder if its to late to try?

Motivation

I have been back for over a week now and yet I still don't feel back in the groove yet. My motivation is a little lacking right now but I need to get it up in a hurry as the Black Belt Test is coming soon.

Back

I got back from my holidays yesterday after flying all night. I decided to go to class last night instead of catching up on sleep and I’m glad I did. It was nice to be back and it was nice to see my “other” family again. I missed you guys but I’m back now.

Coming home

After being away for the past 3 weeks, we are finally comingf home today. It's been tough to keep up with my numbers especially with my injury. I had to keep the stitches in for 2 weeks. It will be good to get home and start to push the training again.

Injury

I had been doing quite well with my training while on vacation until the Injury. I cut my foot on the coral and had to get 6 stitches on my middle toe. It's amazing how much of your training requires both feet. I was very limited with what I could do for 3 days. Even now it is still painful and I will be playing catchup for a while.

Hawaii

As many of you are aware, I am currently in Hawaii. Although it is nice to get away from the snow, it's not nice to be away from the Kwoon. That place is like a second home to me. My goals while away are to keep up on my training as much as possible but to definately keep up on my UBBT goals. Wish me luck and I will see you all again in 3 long weeks.

Fitness

Yesterday, a couple other Sihings and myself got together to do the black belt fitness test. I was really nervous about going as I didn’t know how I would do and I thought it would discourage me if my numbers were low. I am really glad that I went as my numbers were quite good in some areas. The best part was that it identified which areas I need to improve upon. My goal now is to improve my numbers significantly in these areas while trying to improve my other numbers as well. Even though this is only a part of the black belt test, it is important to know where you have to focus your attention. Thanks Sihing Wiebe and Sihing Kichko. It was great doing this with you guys.

Sigh

I am feeling lost this week as my family is dealing with some personal issues. I hope we can resolve them soon as it takes away from your energy and your focus. That's all for now.

Missing it

I seem to be missing a lot of time training lately. I have been away on a couple of trips lately and I now have another one next week. I will be gone for 4 days so will not be available for a demo we will be doing or the lion dance. I then get back for a couple of weeks before I am gone again. I will be missing out on the forms seminar which I wish I could take part. I know I am missing some great opportunities to help with my training and I have regrets about them but I don't know what to do. It's frustrating for me as I am committed to going for my black belt but I could use all the extra help I can get. I've also noticed that it is really hard to keep up with my UBBT goals. I can do some things but others are a lot more difficult. I plan on watching class via a webcam but it will not be the same. adaptability will be key for my success over the next 6 weeks and I must keep focused.

Time is passing

Wow, where did the time go? I put off posting my blog on Friday as I was in meetings all day so I decided to do it Monday. Monday came and went and now it is Wednesday and I should be blogging again already. The lesson is do not procrastinate as you will only fall further and further behind.

Time Off

This past week I was in Panorama for 3 days of skiing. It was nice to get away and have some fun. I have spent the past 3 months putting in a lot of time into my training. What I didn’t realize is that I think I was so focused on training that I was starting to get frustrated. No matter how hard I worked, I didn’t think I was improving. It’s almost like you start spinning your wheels but you don’t go anywhere. What I have to focus on now is not just the physical training but and more importantly the mental training. The road to a black belt takes many turns and this was just the latest one of many to come I believe.

Change is Coming

My last post talked about being down so this one will focus on the positive. Even though I have been down I still enjoy training at the Kwoon. The positive energy I get from everyone there pumps me up and gets me reenergized. then after reading the comments posted on my last blog, I realize that I’m not the only one who gets down. I would like to thank everyone I train with for the support and you know what, I feel ready to go again.

Do I Have To

This week has been a little bit off for me. My energy and enthusiasim seem to be a bit down. I’m not sure why but I think it has something to do with a couple of injuries I have. I have been keeping up with my numbers but it has been a struggle to just get out there and do it. Maybe next week will be better.

AHA

On class on Monday, Sifu Brinker told the Blue/Brown class that they should take advantage of their opportunities. Specifically, he was referring to attending the White/Yellow class before and the Orange/Green class after. I have been attending all three classes since December and it has had a huge impact on my training. The key is not to just attend but to also actively participate. There is so much to remember for your black belt test that you need to constantly practice everything from white belt to brown belt. These classes have allowed me to start to perfect some of the techniques .I still have a long way to go but when you have an aha moment like last night (right Sihing Kichko) it makes you realize why these classes are important.

Training

Once again, I am late posting my blog. Even though things have settled down a bit, I still seem to be behind. January took a lot of effort and extra training. Don’t get me wrong it was well worth it and it has made the ramping up of my own training easier. I still have some doubts if I will be ready this year but they are coming less and less. Only 7.5 months to go.

Whew

The banqet is over and I survived (as did the lion). It has been a stressful month of practice but I can now focus on my Kung Fu again. The UBBT numbers have dipped a bit but i now have some extra time again so I should be caught up by next week. I need to shift my focus to preparing to grade for my black belt as that is my major goal for this year.

The Week That Wuzzz

This last week has been absolutely crazy. We are just over 1 week from the banquet so we have amped up the lion dance practices. Which means I am spending 6 days a week at the Stony Plain kwoon. On top of the class time, there is 1 hour of travel timeto get there and then back home. With the extra travel and class time, my UBBT numbers took a bad slide this week. I usually catch up on the weekend but I am having some injury issues that the lion dance aggravates. I have to be smart and focus on the lion dance for right now and then catch up on my numbers for the UBBT after the banquet. That is what I keep telling myself anyway.

Kindness

One of the most challenging goals that I have heard people talk about for the UBBT is the random acts of kindness. Some people are having difficulties performing them or are not sure what to count as a random act of kindness. For me, it is about the simple things that make the biggest difference. Holding a door open, returning someone’s shopping cart, letting someone merge in traffic. With the weather we are having there are the easy ones like snow shoveling, pulling out stuck vehicles or helping someone on the icy roads. As the weather warms, we will lose these given ones and you must change your mindset or it will be very difficult to perform your acts of kindness.

The solution

I am feeling better about the UBBT this week than I was last week. I was struggling to find the time to practice my kung fu in between lion dance practice, classes and home life. This week I set aside 1.5 hours a day to strictly focus on my training. Whether it was for 10 minutes or for an hour as long as it added up to the hour and a half. This enabled me to catch up on all of my goals. I am going to continue with this strategy and hopefully it will make the difference.

Week 1!

Almost one week into the UBBT and I find myself falling behind already. I took it easy on Sunday and a couple of nights during the week were very busy. So last night I checked my numbers and was a little surprised by how far behind I was on some of my goals. After 2 hours of some serious training, I got most of my numbers back on track (although I still a couple to go that I will catch up on this weekend). As I was training I decided that I will follow my daily goals that I have set out for myself and that I will meet my targets weekly so that I do not get to far behind on any one thing. The UUBT is a serious commitment and I already see the benefits of it.