1,000 Thoughts

I found out this past week that I will be leaving for work a lot sooner than I thought I would. I was hoping to not leave until after the banquet but that is unfortunately not going to happen. I think the reason I am not looking forward to this is the fact I want to be involved more than I am able to especially the demo and the lion dance. I will do as much as I can when I am here as I always try to do and I will be utilizing zoom as well.

On another note, I have been spending a lot more time working on my forms lately. This has led to questions that I didn’t realize I had. The main reason is I am working on strengthening the connection between forms and my work on grappling and sparring. I’ve always known there was a connection but I am working on building and growing the connection.

I have also spent the last few weeks working on my overall fitness and strength. This is for two main reasons. 1) I did not feel I was at a place where I wanted to be with my conditioning. 2) I am hoping to strengthen my shoulder and hip to alleviate or lessen the pain. I have been smart about what I am doing and only doing things that strengthen and not cause more issues.

This blog was kind of all over the place but this is where my mind is at lately. I have had so many things going on with both work and with my personal life I need to refocus for a second. This blog is a way to do that as are the one on ones I have been booking lately. I am using them not only to ask questions about my training but also to just talk about where I am in my life. By just talking to someone it has helped even if the details are not shared.

Mixed Emotions

The holidays for me have always been a time of both joy and sadness and this year was much the same. While it is nice to see everyone and spend time together, it is a little sad thinking about who was not here this year and who may not be here next year. I try to push these feelings away but they still linger on the edges. I think the biggest reason for this is because of my moms’ recent issues and he issues she will probably continue to have.

Don’t get me wrong, it has been great to see family and to be able to spend time together. The feeling has only been on the edges but I am not going to ignore them or push them away. I think it has helped me to not to ignore them but acknowledge them as an eventual reality.

Moving Past frustration

In our recent black belt class, the topic of frustration came up and how most of us have been at that point in our training. This has been true for me especially in this last while. The most recent events have been my hip and shoulder issues which are severely limiting what I am able to do and when I try to do more, it is painful. I should be smarter but I almost feel like I need to push through so I don’t fall to far behind.

Looking back though, the frustration started even before as I have missed so much training due to life circumstances. In 2016, I parted ways with the company I was working for and it was great for my Kung Fu as I had lots of free time. I then started consulting in February of 2017 and then started to travel for work in 2018. Back then, there was no online class and no one on ones. I was isolated for over half the year and I remember one year, being gone 40 weeks out of the year. That is a lot of time to be away.

Then came Covid and that changed things even more. No live classes even when I was home and the connection was almost completely gone then. Even after we came back, the Kwoon seemed different to me. The classes had changed and I was no longer instructing my own classes anymore. My travel schedule did not allow it but I started to question my place in SRKF for the first time.

Work travel continued and I started to attend online when I could but the drive for me felt like it was gone. I missed most if not all of the Broadsword and Butterfly Swords as they were introduced. When I did make it, I was always trying to catch up and this just fueled the frustration.

Somewhere along the way, I was able to get my motivation back and it was probably joining the I Ho Chuan team 3 years ago. That really helped me engage again and also forced me to start taking my training more serious.

There is still frustration sometimes as I still feel behind in some areas but I know I am a lot further along than I was. I do know the Broadsword and Butterfly Swords as they were my requirements this year along with a Grappling Form. The Broadsword is further along then the Butterfly as that was my main priority but I am now working on both as they both still continue to need refinement. The grappling form continues to evolve as well as I continue to practice it and it will continue to do so.

I still have questions sometimes about what my place in SRKF is. However, the question is more directed at myself as to what I need to do and where I need to focus my training. I will probably continue to have questions but I think those will help me continue to evolve.

Pains and Progress

I have been ha lot of issues and pain with my right shoulder and hip these last couple of months and it is getting worse as time goes on. The shoulder is an issue that occurred a few years ago and gets better then comes back but this time is worse I believe. The hip issue is something that started about three months ago and has been getting worse. It is even to the point where it is painful to lie on or sleep with.

Needless to say, I have had to start modifying my Kung Fu but I Think it is suffering for it so I am looking at alternative and more permanent solutions. I have booked a doctor’s appointment but it will not be to the new year. At least it is a starting point.

On a positive note, I have been able to work on the grappling form to refine and clarify some concepts thanks to Sihing Kobe Csillag. It has been great to put some of the techniques that are branches of the form/sequence into practice. The thing I am finding is that some of these are actually easier to explain and demonstrate than they were in the past and I think that is just because my experiences with doing grappling has advance my knowledge as well. I do look forward to where we will be able to take this form as we continue to work together.

Trying To Get By

This has been an off week for me as I have been extremely busy with work. Actually, that is not the reason at all. I have been distracted by some things happening with my mom. Last year she had a heart attack and had to have 3 stents put in. Only 1 was successful so she has had some issues since then. She had to go for testing this last week and will get the results on Monday. She is scared as she doesn’t want to have to go for surgery again and I can’t blame her.

I have been trying to not dwell on it, but it keeps creeping back into my mind. I don’t know what I am exactly feeling but it is somewhere between fear and acceptance. She has been through a rough year and I sometimes wonder what more I can do. I know when the time comes, I will regret not trying harder so I do what I can now.

This kind of went down a dark road and this is more for myself to help me remember where I was at this point in my life.

The End But Not The End I Hope

This past weekend was the last of my Sanda Seminar and I am going to miss it. I learned a lot about myself in how I move and how I improved over the 6 weeks. The last class started the same with some footwork warmup drills and then moving into some takedown drills. I had the participants switch up partners because of a recent blog by Todai Ferris where she talked about the difference in working with a different partner. I think the change made it more challenging but also more rewarding for them.

I was also asked if they would do actual sparring in the seminar and the answer was no. It was something I had planned on maybe doing at the end but I didn’t think it was the best use of time. If you have 2 combatants and 5 judges, the rest of the participants are standing around and watching. They would have got something out of this but I think they got more out of actually doing something.

The drill we worked on was a shoot with a double leg takedown. This drill was great because it has footwork, centering, energy transfer, skeletal alignment and follow-through with commitment. Hopefully everyone saw the value of this technique and I will be at the next open training if anyone wants to ask questions or would like to work on some specifics.

The Week that I Wish Wasn't

It has been a rough few days for me and I have been not wanting to talk about it but I also want to talk about it.

I had to attend a funeral on Saturday for my Uncle. Then 2 days after on the 10th was the day my dad had passed away a few years ago. I tried to think off something else to right about but nothing was coming so I just figure this is what I needed to do. There is a unique relationship with this uncle and it was a native ceremony. I will expand on this in my next blog I think