Mixed Emotions

The holidays for me have always been a time of both joy and sadness and this year was much the same. While it is nice to see everyone and spend time together, it is a little sad thinking about who was not here this year and who may not be here next year. I try to push these feelings away but they still linger on the edges. I think the biggest reason for this is because of my moms’ recent issues and he issues she will probably continue to have.

Don’t get me wrong, it has been great to see family and to be able to spend time together. The feeling has only been on the edges but I am not going to ignore them or push them away. I think it has helped me to not to ignore them but acknowledge them as an eventual reality.

Moving Past frustration

In our recent black belt class, the topic of frustration came up and how most of us have been at that point in our training. This has been true for me especially in this last while. The most recent events have been my hip and shoulder issues which are severely limiting what I am able to do and when I try to do more, it is painful. I should be smarter but I almost feel like I need to push through so I don’t fall to far behind.

Looking back though, the frustration started even before as I have missed so much training due to life circumstances. In 2016, I parted ways with the company I was working for and it was great for my Kung Fu as I had lots of free time. I then started consulting in February of 2017 and then started to travel for work in 2018. Back then, there was no online class and no one on ones. I was isolated for over half the year and I remember one year, being gone 40 weeks out of the year. That is a lot of time to be away.

Then came Covid and that changed things even more. No live classes even when I was home and the connection was almost completely gone then. Even after we came back, the Kwoon seemed different to me. The classes had changed and I was no longer instructing my own classes anymore. My travel schedule did not allow it but I started to question my place in SRKF for the first time.

Work travel continued and I started to attend online when I could but the drive for me felt like it was gone. I missed most if not all of the Broadsword and Butterfly Swords as they were introduced. When I did make it, I was always trying to catch up and this just fueled the frustration.

Somewhere along the way, I was able to get my motivation back and it was probably joining the I Ho Chuan team 3 years ago. That really helped me engage again and also forced me to start taking my training more serious.

There is still frustration sometimes as I still feel behind in some areas but I know I am a lot further along than I was. I do know the Broadsword and Butterfly Swords as they were my requirements this year along with a Grappling Form. The Broadsword is further along then the Butterfly as that was my main priority but I am now working on both as they both still continue to need refinement. The grappling form continues to evolve as well as I continue to practice it and it will continue to do so.

I still have questions sometimes about what my place in SRKF is. However, the question is more directed at myself as to what I need to do and where I need to focus my training. I will probably continue to have questions but I think those will help me continue to evolve.

Pains and Progress

I have been ha lot of issues and pain with my right shoulder and hip these last couple of months and it is getting worse as time goes on. The shoulder is an issue that occurred a few years ago and gets better then comes back but this time is worse I believe. The hip issue is something that started about three months ago and has been getting worse. It is even to the point where it is painful to lie on or sleep with.

Needless to say, I have had to start modifying my Kung Fu but I Think it is suffering for it so I am looking at alternative and more permanent solutions. I have booked a doctor’s appointment but it will not be to the new year. At least it is a starting point.

On a positive note, I have been able to work on the grappling form to refine and clarify some concepts thanks to Sihing Kobe Csillag. It has been great to put some of the techniques that are branches of the form/sequence into practice. The thing I am finding is that some of these are actually easier to explain and demonstrate than they were in the past and I think that is just because my experiences with doing grappling has advance my knowledge as well. I do look forward to where we will be able to take this form as we continue to work together.